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Personal Revelation

Do you believe God wants to talk to you? I do! I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and yesterday a friend of mine gave a really uplifting talk about personal revelation. With her permission, I posted it here. Thank you Carly Stewart!

QUALIFYING FOR PERSONAL REVELATION

INTRO

Qualifying Ourselves for Personal Revelation – is the topic of the day. And as someone who has always felt like I do not have a sensitive ear for spiritual messages… it feels very much like it was revelation received on my behalf to prepare this talk for this meeting today. I came across scriptures and talks that were perfect for what I struggle with. Both in my personal development and with my responsibilities with my calling. So, this talk is compiled by me, FOR me just a little bit… but it should be pretty solid advice for any of us.

I will start with the quote from President Nelson, that we have all heard numerous times – but if it struck you between the eyes, like it did me, then it bears repeating:

“In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost… Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly.”

We come here weekly to do a portion of that spiritual work – and there is a lot to be gained in a spiritual community… coming together with others to study with them, to listen, to try to absorb their spiritual experiences has been my preferred method of “engagement” for the greater portion of my life. But of course, we have been taught that we “will not be able to travel through life on borrowed light.”

Joseph Smith said, “Reading the experience of others, or the revelation given to them, can never give us a comprehensive view of our condition and true relation to God. Knowledge of these things can only be obtained by experience… Could you gaze into heaven five minutes, you would know more than you would by reading all that ever was written on the subject.”

What counts in the field of religion is to become a personal participant in it. We need to gaze 5 minutes into heaven, and find that enlightenment for ourselves.

So, what does it take to qualify for personal revelation? What is the soul-work, or spiritual work, that needs to be done? I can’t answer this question completely from personal experience, yet. 

But after some study this week I think I have found a simple, and inpiring framework in the story of the Brother of Jared – with some added perspective from a BYU devotional given by J. Scott Miller, Dean of the BYU College of Humanities. Here are some thoughts that I have arrived at: 

#1) WE SHOULD HEED THE DIRECTION THAT THE LORD HAS ALREADY GIVEN US 

In the turmoil surrounding the Tower of Babel, the family of the Brother of Jared were concerned about whether they would be driven from the land, and if so where they were supposed to go. The Lord told them He would guide them to a Land of Promise, and His first instruction was to:

“Go to and gather together thy flocks…and also of the seed of the earth of every kind; and thy families…and when thou hast done this thou shalt go at the head of them down into the valley which is northward. And there will I meet thee…”

And that is what they did.

“And it came to pass that the Lord commanded them that they should ago forth into the wilderness, yea, into that quarter where there never had man been.”

And that is where they went.

“It came to pass that the Lord did bring Jared and his brethren forth even to that great sea which divideth the lands… And the Lord said: Go to work and build, after the manner of abarges which ye have hitherto built.

And so they worked and built.

I’ll stop there – because my point is obvious – but we see this pattern in scripture a lot. When we follow the direction given, the Lord can provide us with further help and knowledge. ‘Line upon line’ in this situation was likely, in part, a test of their obedience, but it was also a gentle method of teaching. The Lord was helping them take their journey one step at a time.

Can you guess what might’ve happened if the Lord had told them, “First, you will go forth in the wilderness, where man has never been before, then you will live in tents by the sea for four years, then you will build barges to cross an enormous ocean… and additionally, the barges will be completely dark, and fire and the sun won’t work as light sources.”

I, personally, might have said, “Having my language confounded actually sounds a little easier, I’ll just stay here in Babel.” 

But the Lord knows how we learn, and He will wait for us to act on the promptings we’ve been given. Without completion or understanding of the first “step” or “lesson” there isn’t any use for further instruction.

More than just our personal promptings – heeding the direction the direction of the Lord also includes keeping the commandments and our covenants.

In Mosiah it says when we enter into a covenant with God, serve God, and keep His commandments, then He may pour out His Spirit more abundantly upon us. Every covenant we make and keep can increase the power and frequency of spiritual promptings.

#2) HAVE HUMILITY… AND HUMBLE UNCERTAINTY

In Ether Chapter 3, the Brother of Jared prays, “O Lord, do not be aangry with thy servant because of his weakness before thee; for we know that thou art holy and dwellest in the heavens, and that we are bunworthy before thee; because of the cfall, our dnatures have become evil continually; O Lord, look upon me in pity, and turn away thine anger from this thy people, and suffer not that they shall go forth across this raging deep in darkness.”

When I was reading these verses I had wondered why he was being so hard on himself, did I miss something? Was there a major transgression prior to this? I thought he had been faithfully building the barges…

Now, I’ll take a short detour here for some thoughts from Professor Miller and come back to that. In his devotional, Brother Miller discusses several forms of doubt – I want to relate two of them to our Brother of Jared. The first is rooted in pride and fear. He calls it Denial Doubt, which he compares to a compulsive fear of the dark – which is kind of a beautiful coincidence since we’re talking about pitch-black barges! Denial Doubt is when we fear vulnerability so much that we settle into only what we know, and choose to stay put in our secure but limited place. We ignore or even try to hide our weaknesses and allow fear to block our progress.

I think the potential for the Brother of Jared to experience Denial Doubt at this point in his journey would have been very understandable. There was so much unknown, and they were facing literal, long-term darkness. They could have stayed on the seashore, where they had been for 4 years already. It was secure there, but surely limiting, as they would forfeit a land of promise.

The second kind of doubt Brother Miller defines is rooted in humility. And he calls it Humble Uncertainty.

“There is, however, a soul-expanding kind of doubt that proceeds from an attitude of humility—the species of humility that openly admits our weaknesses. When we begin to see ourselves and our weaknesses clearly, we arrive at a state of vulnerability similar to what Joseph Smith faced as he unwittingly prepared himself for the Sacred Grove.” 

I think this explains the language that the Brother of Jared was using in his prayer. It wasn’t harsh, it was honest. He was honestly and humbly uncertain about how they would survive the journey the Lord was laying out for them. He recognized his complete dependence on the Lord.

When I think of the people I know that seem to have the highest sensitivity to the Spirit, I realize they all have this attribute. They have earned it through their own trials and times of uncertainty, which they navigated with honest and humble prayer.

#3) BE FULL OF FAITH

If we are uncertain, it does not mean we don’t have faith. Actually, it’s the opposite! “Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things.”

Continuing the Brother of Jared’s prayer, he says, “And I know, O Lord, that thou hast all apower, and can do whatsoever thou wilt for the benefit of man; therefore touch these stones, O Lord, with thy bfinger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness; and they shall shine forth unto us in the vessels which we have prepared, that we may have clight while we shall cross the sea.

Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this.”

“Surely God, as well as the reader, feels something very striking in the childlike innocence and fervor of this man’s faith. ‘Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this.’ Perhaps there is no more powerful, single line of faith spoken by man in scripture. It is almost as if he is encouraging God, reassuring him.

Not ‘Behold, O Lord, I am sure that thou canst do this.’ Not ‘Behold, O Lord, thou hast done many greater things than this.’

However uncertain the prophet is about his own ability, he has no uncertainty about God’s power… It is encouragement to God who needs no encouragement but who surely must have been touched by it.” – Jeffrey R. Holland

His pure faith removed the veil and the Brother of Jared saw the finger of the Lord reaching to touch the stones. Our faith can do the same for us – maybe not a vision of the same magnitude – but it can thrust us through the veil, and give us understanding in the moments when we need it most.

#4) BE STILL, AND STILL MOVING

Professor Miller recites this phrase from East Coker by T.S. Eliot, which is a poem about his conversion to Christiantity. It says:

We must be still and still moving.
into another intensity.
for a further union, a deeper communion…

Don’t you love a clever dual-meaning?! Poets are just better than the rest of us. 

‘Be still.’ Commotion and spiritual feelings don’t usually co-exist. In our external world, we can set aside time and physical space. President Nelson gave us the recent advice to,

“Find a quiet place where you can regularly go… Pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father… Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions. As you repeat this process day after day, month after month, year after year, you will “grow into the principle of revelation.”

We can also dismiss any type of input – music, tv, literature etc. –  that drives away the Spirit. Our brain learns to love what we feed it.

Internally, in our own hearts and minds we can also reduce commotion. Do your best to root out feelings of contention. Forgive others for their offenses, and repent of your own.

‘…and still moving.’

We can move toward a further union, and a deeper communion with God with effort. Through prayer and study. President Nelson also said, “Nothing opens the heavens quite like the combination of increased purity…daily feasting on the words of Christ in the Book of Mormon, and regular time committed to temple and family history work.”

The people that I know who have been able to receive guidance know to slow down. They try to remain close to the Spirit through their scriptures, and prayerful meditation is second-naturet to them. They carved out the space for these things and they have a natural place in their life’s rhythm.

#5 JUST TRY.

God is more patient, more loving, and more anxious for us to succeed than we can ever understand. He will give us every opportunity to be guided by Him. His deepest desire is to help us develop our innate capacity to receive revelation.

There is another line in T.S. Eliot’s poem that says, “For us, there is only the trying.”

It is a principle of growth that trying, will ultimately bring us to the knowledge we seek… Through faith and endurance, we can be guided in our lives right now. Through faith and endurance we can recieve answers to our questions, if we are not afraid to ask. Through faith and endurance, we may just be able to gaze into heaven. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

That’s it for now!

Love,

Laur

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Delight

Have you read “The Power of Fun” yet? It was recommended to me by my sister-in-law and I have been really enjoying it!. “Deliberately seek out sources of delight,” (The Book of Delights by Ross Gay) she encourages her readers mid-way through the book. This means that you’re walking around in your life looking for things, people, experiences that delight you, and then label them with saying out loud, “Delight!” This quote from her book describes the concept well (by Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas from Humor, Seriously): “When you walk around on the precipice of a smile, you’ll be surprised how many things you encounter that push you over the edge.” Amazing, right?

What are your delights today? Here are a few of mine.

Setting new goals and getting excited about them

Eating chocolate covered raisins (from my secret stash…shhh)

Driving and chatting with a friend

Running past fragrant blossoms that smelled like honey

Hugs from my three boys

House planning with my sweetheart

Quiet

A hot shower (this one almost always makes my list!)

What are your delights today?

Love,

Laur

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Discover

I think I’m afraid to write.

Why? Because writing is discovery process and I’m not sure I’ll like what I find there. But I’m feeling encouraged by Nightbirde who has been so real that she’s a complete inspiration.

I don’t want to spend all my time telling you all the hard parts of this year. It will make me feel depressed and you as well. But if I delete all of the hard, then you lose the context. Stories about light are stories of overcoming- and the light is that much more brilliant because of what came before it. The story I want to tell is that darkness loses its hold when light is present.

I’m the first to say that if you’re feeling darkness, that doesn’t mean that you must be doing something wrong. Sometimes, like a favorite song of mine, the darkness can come from up above, down below, or just comes flying at you from across the room. Why is it there? Where did it come from? When will it go away? I don’t know. What I DO know is that light is more powerful, and your experience with darkness will always be overcome by light. Always. Just like midnight will eventually turn into dawn, no matter how long the night feels to you or me. Dawn always comes.

I used to see challenges as things I had to problem solve my way through, interruptions from the real reason I was here on earth. “Let’s get this over with,” I used to think, “so I can get back to real life.” Now I see it as part of the reason I’m here. I couldn’t speed up the healing process by learning tricks and gadgets and distractors…I simply had to walk through the process each day. And here I am, many months later, stronger than before. I wonder how much of our suffering in life comes from not accepting our current reality. We play all kinds of games to try to smother our awareness of what is really happening, but somehow we end up causing more problems than we solve. Peace gradually settles on us as we recognize that this is the hand we are dealt, we accept that this is the reality as ours to live, and trust that God will walk with us through each day of it.

Love

Laura

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Feel your feelings…

A few days ago I texted a friend who I found out later was having a really rough day. I shared with her these two quotes that had stuck with me recently.

Suffering is a gap. Like a wedge. It’s the gap between the world you want and the world you got. (Quoted by Stephanie Ingram, found on instagram.)

Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you’re not grateful and you’re not hopeful…Sadness and grief and mourning and lamenting and crying and screaming and being angry- these are ways we honor what was lost…Sadness is the soul’s way of saying “THIS MATTERED!” I think grieving and feeling all the emotions you feel…I think its a holy work. And its scary to go down those dark roads but those feelings don’t leave you. You have to feel it. You can’t fake the rest of your life like nothing bad happened and whistle a happy tune all day. That’s not what it is to be human…You don’t have to feel guilty about. being sad…I used to believe if I was sad, it meant I wasn’t fighting hard enough or I wasn’t grateful enough, and that’s not true. Be sad and be grateful. And look at the twinkly lights and feel your feelings. It’s all real. The joy and the pain are all real and you don’t have to pick one or the other; life is beautiful or life is garbage. It’s kinda both sometimes. ~Nightbirde

I wonder why as people of faith we often think that grieving, sadness, and anger are not ok, when it’s part of our human experience. I have spent a year learning to feel my feelings- all the ones I wasn’t willing to acknowledge and let my gut feel instead. I’ve learned that it’s healthy to grieve when we have lost something or someone we love. It is healthy to cry, and to even acknowledge our anger. Those things are not incompatible with faith. I used to think it was unrighteous to yell at God, and then I did it. But I think He could handle it. I was telling him exactly how I felt and He listened to me. And then he helped me find my way through the anger to a more soothing place. I thought I shouldn’t feel so much fear because I was a woman of faith so I tried to push is down and ignore it…and yet it took me a long time to realize that God is the one who can help me overcome fear so acknowledging the fear is a big part of moving past it and overcoming it. I think we sometimes think God expects us to be more than human- and he does…eventually. But today I am VERY human- and I’m pretty darn sure that He knows that, and that all He expects of me is one small step today. And even if I trip doing that, or get stuck, or fall, or paralyzed or any number of things, He’ll still help me with the next part. And the next. He loves me no matter what, and is so merciful and compassionate- way more than I can possibly understand. His love is never-ending for me…and you.

Love,

Laur

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Mother’s Day Musings

Yesterday I felt like I broke down some walls about motherhood. It was another big victory. I can see now that for a long time- years- there has been a lot of fear in regards to motherhood and music. And in both, I started functioning with not my full self. It wasn’t intentional. I think I got scared of my desires with music and was afraid that I couldn’t be a good mom and pursue this growing passion in me. I thought they threatened each other- and yet I wasn’t willing to give up either one. Well that’s not totally true: I knew that if one thing had to get the short end of the stick, it was music. I was in a “pleaser/don’t screw it up” mode often, and I was afraid that I was failing at it all. It turned out that being MYSELF is where the joy and peace were waiting all along. I was trying to mother the way I was supposed to (and music too) and couldn’t figure out why it was feeling like motherhood was literally going to kill me. I resented the cost- to my body and spirit- and knew something needed to change, but I didn’t know how.

I love these little people deeply, but I through the last several years, I have struggled to enjoy much of my mothering. Part of it has to do with poor health for a long time, but it’s not just that. Yesterday I tried to access more of my excitement about being a mom. I asked a lot of “what matters”? as my mind sifted through laundry and dishes and kisses, and bandaids. I have known for a while that I’ve been doing too much with too much stress, but as I have been looking for a new normal, I’ve been baffled as I tried to sort out what matters. As I journaled, I started having big ideas about how to change the way things are currently running in our home, and got very excited about a new program I wanted to establish. It was big, fresh, and dynamic, and I felt excited in a way I hadn’t in a while. But as I stepped back and looked at it, I wondered if perhaps I was missing something. I asked myself “Could the regular things be just as special if I am present and open? Maybe no sweeping changes are needed. Maybe I just need to uncover my love for mothering that has been buried in fear, and find the joy in the normal, everyday things. It was simple, it was pivotal, and most of all, it was peaceful. It was the heaven-sent message I have kept getting for about two years- “Slow Down.” The peace, the joy- it’s there and available in each moment.

You know what I discovered? As I continued to ask myself what mattered, I realized that every little thing I choose to do from my mother heart matters! A kiss, here, a note there, a bed made there…it matters because it’s an act of love from me to them. Big things, small things- all of them matter. They don’t have more value if I rush around and do more of them, and then I’m burnt out and frustrated. They matter as I give what I have to offer that only I can give- because it is coming from my mother heart.

Here’s my 3 takeaways about motherhood that I have learned through my thoughts this week:

1- Bring all of me to mothering. I will feel settled and peaceful mothering when I do it Laura’s way, and with all my quirks, passions, personality and love. MY love is what they need- and that is enough.

2- Each small and simple thing matters- not just to get it done, but because it is a holy offering from my mother heart. Often only God will know, and that is enough. It changes my heart more than anyone else’s.

3- My work, like the big cathedrals in Europe, will not be finished in my lifetime, so pacing is important. Each day I have some to give and also need to nurture and refill myself. Both are important. (Have you read, “The Invisible Woman: When Only God Sees”? A great read for Mother’s Day if you haven’t read it. The cathedral reference is an idea I got from that book).

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love

Laur