I think I’m afraid to write.
Why? Because writing is discovery process and I’m not sure I’ll like what I find there. But I’m feeling encouraged by Nightbirde who has been so real that she’s a complete inspiration.
I don’t want to spend all my time telling you all the hard parts of this year. It will make me feel depressed and you as well. But if I delete all of the hard, then you lose the context. Stories about light are stories of overcoming- and the light is that much more brilliant because of what came before it. The story I want to tell is that darkness loses its hold when light is present.
I’m the first to say that if you’re feeling darkness, that doesn’t mean that you must be doing something wrong. Sometimes, like a favorite song of mine, the darkness can come from up above, down below, or just comes flying at you from across the room. Why is it there? Where did it come from? When will it go away? I don’t know. What I DO know is that light is more powerful, and your experience with darkness will always be overcome by light. Always. Just like midnight will eventually turn into dawn, no matter how long the night feels to you or me. Dawn always comes.
I used to see challenges as things I had to problem solve my way through, interruptions from the real reason I was here on earth. “Let’s get this over with,” I used to think, “so I can get back to real life.” Now I see it as part of the reason I’m here. I couldn’t speed up the healing process by learning tricks and gadgets and distractors…I simply had to walk through the process each day. And here I am, many months later, stronger than before. I wonder how much of our suffering in life comes from not accepting our current reality. We play all kinds of games to try to smother our awareness of what is really happening, but somehow we end up causing more problems than we solve. Peace gradually settles on us as we recognize that this is the hand we are dealt, we accept that this is the reality as ours to live, and trust that God will walk with us through each day of it.