Mmm- I just love this photo. It visually describes everything about my newly posted piece, Emerge.
Right now my life seems pretty easy. Rewind a few years and my life was much different: it was a time when I had 3 adorable little people that needed a lot of me (physically and otherwise), I was dealing with major health issues, I was tired all the time, and I was also dealing with pretty intense anxiety on a daily basis (partially because I had a child who was struggling). It wasn’t that my life was horrible- I love being a mom, my husband is an amazing support, and I still say that we soaked up as much joy from that stage as possible; but compared to everything else I’d experienced in life, this was by far the hardest and lasted the longest.
I joked during that time that I felt like I was 30 going on 50 (maybe I’ll change my tune when I experience 50!) and I wondered if I would ever feel back to “normal”- whatever that meant. The anxiety was particularly troubling to me- it felt as though my thoughts and emotions were often so much heavier and darker than I wanted them to be, but at the time I really didn’t know how to do change that. I longed for more peace which had seemed much more accessible before.
I prayed to be rescued from the dense fog I found myself stuck in. Though Heavenly Father didn’t send immediate all-in-one solutions like I wanted Him to, He did send help- gradually. He sent bite-sized pieces so not only could I be cured, but I could grow through the process of healing. I look back and see how he placed people, books, and other things in my path so that a step at a time, I learned how to deal with the anxiety in constructive ways. I also had moments of feeling overwhelming love, peace or contentment; a sense that Heavenly Father was aware of my needs, and would continue to guide and help me. The kids grew and became a little more independent and my health improved over several months (partly because the baby started sleeping through the night-hallelujah!)- I held on to faith and hope before, but now I could actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It was during this time that I began to experiment with writing music-not as a creative outlet, but as an emotional outlet. I started playing around on the piano, attempting to express the way I felt through the music. What could I “say”? This was the result of that exploration. Hind-sight is a funny thing: though I’d never sign up for a repeat course through the fog, I also wouldn’t trade what I learned from it for anything. So without any more words, here is “Emerge”!