Music

Emerge: The Story

eberhard-grossgasteiger-469656-unsplash

(Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash)

Mmm- I just love this photo.  It visually describes everything about my newly posted piece, Emerge.

Right now my life seems pretty easy.  Rewind a few years and my life was much different:  it was a time when I had 3 adorable little people that needed a lot of me (physically and otherwise), I was dealing with major health issues, I was tired all the time, and I was also dealing with pretty intense anxiety on a daily basis (partially because I had a child who was struggling).  It wasn’t that my life was horrible- I love being a mom, my husband is an amazing support, and I still say that we soaked up as much joy from that stage as possible; but compared to everything else I’d experienced in life, this was by far the hardest and lasted the longest.

I joked during that time that I felt like I was 30 going on 50 (maybe I’ll change my tune when I experience 50!) and I wondered if I would ever feel back to “normal”- whatever that meant.  The anxiety was particularly troubling to me- it felt as though my thoughts and emotions were often so much heavier and darker than I wanted them to be, but at the time I really didn’t know how to do change that.  I longed for more peace which had seemed much more accessible before.

I prayed to be rescued from the dense fog I found myself stuck in.  Though Heavenly Father didn’t send immediate all-in-one solutions like I wanted Him to, He did send help- gradually.  He sent bite-sized pieces so not only could I be cured, but I could grow through the process of healing.  I look back and see how he placed people, books, and other things in my path so that a step at a time, I learned how to deal with the anxiety in constructive ways.  I also had moments of feeling overwhelming love, peace or contentment; a sense that Heavenly Father was aware of my needs, and would continue to guide and help me.  The kids grew and became a little more independent and my health improved over several months (partly because the baby started sleeping through the night-hallelujah!)- I held on to faith and hope before, but now I could actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It was during this time that I began to experiment with writing music-not as a creative outlet, but as an emotional outlet.  I started playing around on the piano, attempting to express the way I felt through the music.  What could I “say”?  This was the result of that exploration.  Hind-sight is a funny thing: though I’d never sign up for a repeat course through the fog, I also wouldn’t trade what I learned from it for anything.  So without any more words, here is “Emerge”!

Emerge

Music

Come Discover, Come Explore

13737615_628206700676103_5225803938131753456_oHere it is- my first piece, written June of 2014!  I’m looking forward to periodically sharing music that I have written in the past few years, as well as pieces that I am currently working on.

As an introduction, it seemed fitting to share part of an email that I wrote to my Grannie and Grandad (Crawford and Georgia Gates) soon after completing “Come Discover, Come Explore”:

“Grannie and Grandad,

I wanted you to have a copy of my first composition!  🙂  I was asked to write a piece for Emily’s (my sister, Emily Shill) Preschool Curriculum that she wants to market someday (see http://www.livemovegrow.com/).  Her premise is “Come discover and explore things that live, move and grow.”  She wanted it to be a bouncy song for 3 year old’s.  Other than that, she left it up to me.  I hesitated when she asked me, as this journey is just at the beginning for me!!!  However, I decided this could be the perfect opportunity to grow.  So I took the challenge, and within three weeks had a full song that I was very proud of.  I have a lot to learn, there is no doubt; but there is also no doubt that there is much more inside me than I had previously supposed!”

(My Grandparents have spent their life immersed in music and have been valuable mentors.  For more information about my Grandfather’s music, visit http://crawfordgates.com/)

Here is a link to the recording (or directly access all of my recordings under the “Music” category above)- enjoy!

Come Discover, Come Explore