Emerge: The Story


(Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash)

Mmm- I just love this photo.  It visually describes everything about my newly posted piece, Emerge.

Right now my life seems pretty easy.  Rewind a few years and my life was much different:  it was a time when I had 3 adorable little people that needed a lot of me (physically and otherwise), I was dealing with major health issues, I was tired all the time, and I was also dealing with pretty intense anxiety on a daily basis (partially because I had a child who was struggling).  It wasn’t that my life was horrible- I love being a mom, my husband is an amazing support, and I still say that we soaked up as much joy from that stage as possible; but compared to everything else I’d experienced in life, this was by far the hardest and lasted the longest.

I joked during that time that I felt like I was 30 going on 50 (maybe I’ll change my tune when I experience 50!) and I wondered if I would ever feel back to “normal”- whatever that meant.  The anxiety was particularly troubling to me- it felt as though my thoughts and emotions were often so much heavier and darker than I wanted them to be, but at the time I really didn’t know how to do change that.  I longed for more peace which had seemed much more accessible before.

I prayed to be rescued from the dense fog I found myself stuck in.  Though Heavenly Father didn’t send immediate all-in-one solutions like I wanted Him to, He did send help- gradually.  He sent bite-sized pieces so not only could I be cured, but I could grow through the process of healing.  I look back and see how he placed people, books, and other things in my path so that a step at a time, I learned how to deal with the anxiety in constructive ways.  I also had moments of feeling overwhelming love, peace or contentment; a sense that Heavenly Father was aware of my needs, and would continue to guide and help me.  The kids grew and became a little more independent and my health improved over several months (partly because the baby started sleeping through the night-hallelujah!)- I held on to faith and hope before, but now I could actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It was during this time that I began to experiment with writing music-not as a creative outlet, but as an emotional outlet.  I started playing around on the piano, attempting to express the way I felt through the music.  What could I “say”?  This was the result of that exploration.  Hind-sight is a funny thing: though I’d never sign up for a repeat course through the fog, I also wouldn’t trade what I learned from it for anything.  So without any more words, here is “Emerge”!



Come Discover, Come Explore

13737615_628206700676103_5225803938131753456_oHere it is- my first piece, written June of 2014!  I’m looking forward to periodically sharing music that I have written in the past few years, as well as pieces that I am currently working on.

As an introduction, it seemed fitting to share part of an email that I wrote to my Grannie and Grandad (Crawford and Georgia Gates) soon after completing “Come Discover, Come Explore”:

“Grannie and Grandad,

I wanted you to have a copy of my first composition!  🙂  I was asked to write a piece for Emily’s (my sister, Emily Shill) Preschool Curriculum that she wants to market someday (see  Her premise is “Come discover and explore things that live, move and grow.”  She wanted it to be a bouncy song for 3 year old’s.  Other than that, she left it up to me.  I hesitated when she asked me, as this journey is just at the beginning for me!!!  However, I decided this could be the perfect opportunity to grow.  So I took the challenge, and within three weeks had a full song that I was very proud of.  I have a lot to learn, there is no doubt; but there is also no doubt that there is much more inside me than I had previously supposed!”

(My Grandparents have spent their life immersed in music and have been valuable mentors.  For more information about my Grandfather’s music, visit

Here is a link to the recording (or directly access all of my recordings under the “Music” category above)- enjoy!

Come Discover, Come Explore