Hello friends! This has been a really wild 2 weeks. Because I hate not being in the loop, I thought I’d quickly share where we’ve been and where we are so that you know. I’ve previously shared that I have surgery scheduled for February 22nd to get my uterus out. I’ve been having problems for some time that have recently been accelerating. Last week the pain and nausea got bad enough that I was having a hard time eating and drinking and at some point I slipped into a type of psychotic episode where I was not fully in touch with reality for a time. It was short-lived and everyone is safe, but it was terrifying. Fortunately, Jon and my parents and guardian angels helped me get to a safe place (my parent’s house) where I could rest and regroup. As my mental fog lifted, I could feel how much pain I was in and my uterus ended up deciding to go into labor (!!!) so I ended up going to the ER this past Monday. I was hoping for an emergency hysterectomy (get this thing out!) but instead they said that everything except my uterus and pain levels looked healthy and they sent me home with more medicine to wait it out until surgery. The surgery date cannot be changed (you can bet I was pretty persuasive!) so we are holding tight until the 22nd. I’m staying with my parents until surgery and my husband will be bopping back and forth between home and my parent’s house. The kids are with me.
I find it interesting that I already had set up this series of documenting “Tender Mercies” happening along this very difficult path before everything hit the fan a week ago. I don’t think that’s by chance, and I have felt drawn to continuing this series of posts with the purpose of choosing to see the good, to see God, in the details of the experience I have walked through. I’m not gonna say it was all pretty and peaceful- cause it WASN’T. There was a point at which I wanted to yell, “How GENTLE God’s commands? Gentle? This has been anything but gentle- I feel traumatized. Where was He when I needed Him most?” My heart was raw and in the middle of it, I felt a sense of betrayal or abandonment.
As I have been healing this week, I have been blessed to begin to see the evidence that I was never really alone- even in the darkest, scariest moments. Heavenly Father simply does not ask us to do it alone. I’m grateful for a Savior who understands exactly what I’ve been experiencing, and for angels seen and unseen that have been able to do for me what I couldn’t do for myself. As I continue to move forward, I need the excuse to dwell on the good I can see, and share the things I’m learning from walking through some really challenging experiences. So you can plan on several posts over the next little while that add to my “tender mercies” series. For now, I want to share two links- you know that music is my thing so of course it’s music that first helped me feel hope. I hope you enjoy these two pieces that lifted my spirits, and maybe save them for a rainy day when life feels extra hard and it’s tough to remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE.